Riza's Day Off
by Envioussnake
Summary: SPOILERS for chapter 30 of the manga and episode 15 of Brotherhood. First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye's rare days off were hell for all involved – especially when everyone's favorite serial killer makes an unwanted appearance. Royai.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Riza's Day Off**

**Type: Oneshot (1/3)**

**Pairings/Characters: Royai**

**DISCLAMER: I own nothing other than the fanfiction itself**

**Summary: **SPOILERS for chapter 30 of the manga and episode 15 of Brotherhood. ****First** **Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye's rare days off were hell for all involved – well, at least for Roy Mustang**, **especially when everyone's favorite serial killer makes an unwanted appearance.** **Royai.****

**A/N: Set directly before Riza runs into Barry the Chopper on her day off. I enjoy writing points of view we don't see in the manga or what happens before or after a particular scene, as in my last story Silent Tears. You'll probably see a lot of that from me on here, at least until I run out of ideas, haha! Nevertheless, on with the story!**

First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye's rare days off were hell for all involved – well, at least for Roy Mustang. He always hit the snooze button on his alarm clock a few more times than usual and found it even harder to force himself out of bed and get dressed, even less inclined to drag himself to work when his motivation was going to be missing from the office. He once tried to file for leave the same time she did and received a thorough scolding from her – he tuned her out after something about rumors and potential court marshaling. He had nodded, crumpling up the paper and tossing it in the wastebasket while muttering something along the lines of her being a stubborn woman.

On these particular days, something always went wrong with his usually flawless morning routine - he might knick himself while shaving or accidentally put on a pair of mismatched socks. He couldn't help it; he kept thinking about how she would be awake at this time despite having the chance to sleep in, how she was probably out walking Black Hayate while it was still a comfortable temperature outside. When she wasn't there she distracted whim more than when she was in the office, and she didn't even know it.

Once he had stopped bleeding or changed his socks he would make his way down to his car, unused to driving himself to work. He had to remind himself not to wait at the curb or move to the passenger's seat of his own car, and he was always uncomfortable in the looming silence and solitude that made his ride to work almost unbearable. Yes, her absence thoroughly screwed up his morning routine, and it always set him slightly on edge. The security guard who operated the front gate always gave him a knowing look as he let the Colonel inside, and Roy always pretended not to notice. The guard had long since learned not to ask about the whereabouts of the Lieutenant, knowing all too well that the Colonel wasn't frowning because he wanted to.

Roy was late by now, which was nothing strange on these unusual days, and, as always, his office was in a state of chaos that would have had Riza in a fit. On this particular day, Havoc and Breda were playing cards while Fuery blabbered frantically about repercussions, demotions, and several overestimated punishments that could be bestowed upon his friends due to their actions. No one seemed to be listening to the poor bespectacled man. Roy walked in just as Havoc waved a 1,000 cenz bill in front of Breda's face before slapping it onto the table. Breda groaned and threw his cards onto the desk, admitting defeat. The door clicked shut and both men looked over at their unannounced guest, fear and guilt written clearly upon their faces. Had it not been Riza's day off they would have cowered in terror, expecting it to be her. All the same, Fuery looked like he was going to have a heart attack and Falman didn't even bother to look up from his book to see who had entered.

Relief seemed to flood the room as Havoc laughed, his cigarette somehow remaining in his mouth through the action. He gathered his winnings, taunting a bitter and melancholy Breda before challenging Roy to a game. Roy declined and ignored the taunts meant to goad him into playing, instead choosing to sit down at his desk. He cast a glance at Riza's empty desk – everyone saw the look, but no one chose to comment on it.

Things continued in this manner for the next several hours – Roy neglected any and all paperwork while his men found various (often immature and unusual) ways of occupying themselves. He considered calling Riza more than once, at times to make sure she was okay and at other times out of sheer boredom, but he thought better of it. The last time he had called her on her day off she had chewed him out over the phone – telling him to get to work and stop slacking and _what was that noise she just heard in the background?_ – but she just didn't understand. He needed her there to stay sane. Not seeing her or hearing her voice made him anxious, as though something bad might happen to her while she wasn't there.

He forced himself not to call her and began to dig around in his desk for something to occupy his time – in his mind, the pile of paperwork sitting upon his desk didn't count. He found nothing to his liking and sat back in his chair, stifling a sigh. His eyes wandered over to Riza's vacant desk once, and he suddenly realized an important fact. He knew that Riza always kept some book or another in the top drawer of her desk but had expressly refused to let him look at it, even when the cover showed that it was clearly a different book. Roy's curiosity got the better of him, and he stood to walk over to her desk.

Havoc gaped at him, wide-eyed, as though he was witnessing his superior officer growing a second head. Roy searched through her drawers until he found her book and withdrew it with a small smirk. He closed the drawer and walked silently back to his desk, sitting in his chair and opening the book to the dog-eared page Riza had left off on. It took the man a minute to figure out what exactly it was he was reading, but as soon as he did one eyebrow shot upwards. He closed the book and turned it over, reading the back cover. He couldn't believe his eyes. Riza Hawkeye read _dime-store romance novels. _

Roy coughed once and, after a short internal conflict, opened the book once more. He fought back a smirk as he skimmed the pages – he never would have guessed. Not only that, but now had physical proof that Riza wasn't as cruel or cold as she pretended to be. He had tried to convince his subordinates of this fact once before and had almost succeeded until she decided to lift her gun and shoot at her damned dog just because he peed on the floor. He had a strong feeling that no one at the office would ever really believe him when he claimed that Riza had a good heart and could have a gentle disposition, but maybe that wasn't all bad – it was just another thing about her that only he knew, like her tattoo, or (as of now) the fact that she read poorly written romance novels. He smirked again. He couldn't wait to bring this up in conversation next time they were alone.

…But, then again, what would she do if she knew he had gone through her desk and taken her book without her permission after she had forbidden him to read it? He could feel his heartbeat increase slightly as he thought about it. He figured she would shoot _at _him, but would she actually shoot him for this? He didn't know, and he didn't want to find out. He turned the page of her book and nearly shot out of his seat when his phone rang. Roy dropped the book instantly, looking extremely guilty. He then took a deep breath, calming himself. Riza never called work on her day off, and there was no way she could have known what he was doing. He withheld a sigh of relief as he picked up his phone.

"This is Colonel Roy Mustang."

"Sir?"

"Lieutenant?" Roy glanced at the book out of the corner of his eye. He _had _always thought she was a mind reader.

"I found something really… weird."

**A/N: And then we have the ordeal with Barry. I enjoyed it so much more in the manga than in Brotherhood simply because of the added sprinkle of Royai we got. I bought volume eight simply for that reason. I had fun writing this one, mainly because I can just see Roy looking incredibly guilty, like he was caught with his hand in a cookie jar. Rate and Review! They make me write more fanfiction XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Riza's Day Off**

**Type: Oneshot (2/3)**

**Pairings/Characters: Royai**

**DISCLAMER: I own nothing other than the fanfiction itself**

**Summary: SPOILERS for chapter 30 of the manga and episode 15 of Brotherhood. First** **Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye's rare days off were hell for all involved – well, at least for Roy Mustang**, **especially when everyone's favorite serial killer makes an unwanted appearance.** **Royai.**

**A/N: Just so everyone knows, I get most of the dialogue and scenarios directly from memory when I write these types of fics. However, in this particular case, I did consult Volume 8 of the manga for the names and dates of Barry's murders.**

Out of all the scenarios Roy had played out in his head on the way here, he seemed to have somehow overlooked this particular outcome. He spotted Riza sitting on a low wall, her head resting in her hands, as a chubby suit of armor (could armor even be called chubby?) sat beside her and made wide gestures with – was that a _meat cleaver?_ Roy blinked once and rubbed his eyes, wondering if Havoc had spiked his coffee. When Riza saw him, relief flooded her hazel eyes and she got to her feet, walking over to him. This left the suit of armor confused and caused it to speak even louder than before as it got up to follow her.

Riza stopped in front of Roy and he could see she was tired and annoyed – he was normally the one making her look like that, and he felt a vein pulse at the thought of someone else pestering her that badly. The suit of armor caught up to Riza and hugged her around the middle, dangerously close to groping her. He looked at Roy with narrowed eyes.

"Hey, Toots, who's the chump?"

"Quiet, you." Riza snapped, thumping it on the head with her elbow.

By this point Roy had pulled on one of his gloves, his aura practically glowing with malicious intent. This thing thought it could insult him and, more importantly, touch _his Lieutenant?_ That son of a bitch was going to burn. "Stand aside, Lieutenant. There's going to be a fire tonight." He enjoyed seeing the thing break out into a terrified sweat.

"Stop it, Colonel! This is Barry the Chopper, a mass murderer who was supposedly executed!" Riza objected, urgency in her voice.

Roy scowled. Her words did nothing for his rage – in fact, they only made him angrier (not only was another man touching her, but he was a convict that had been sentenced to death?) – but they did serve to shock him enough so that he wasn't completely focused on killing Barry. His eyes narrowed as he looked at the suit of armor. "We need to talk."

"Hey, I don't gotta do anything you say." Barry snapped, tightening his hold on Riza.

Riza sighed. "Barry, I am going with the Colonel. You can come or you can stay." She said, having already predicted his response to the statement.

"Then I'm coming! No way I am letting a pretty lady like you go off with a no good punk like him by yourself!" Barry said, letting go of Riza to cross his metal arms and glare at Roy. "I don't trust 'im!"

Roy frowned and, in a childish display of territorial defense, snaked his arm about Riza's waist. "Then come with us." He said, leading Riza off down the road. With Riza in civilian clothing and with her hair down it was unlikely that they would raise suspicion. He wanted to keep Barry a decent distance away from her, and, though he refused to admit it, he was the slightest bit jealous. If he tried to pull half those stunts in public he would have been shot.

"Hey, punk! Whaddaya think you're doin'?" Barry shouted, narrowing his eyes at Roy's retreating form. "I oughtta chop you up!" He charged at Roy, menacingly brandishing his sharpened meat cleaver.

"No!" Riza ordered in the same tone of voice she used to reprimand her dog, turning in Roy's grasp to look at Barry. "I told you before and I will tell you again - you are not allowed to chop up anyone or anything!"

"Yes, Ma'am." Barry said in a subdued voice, but the admiration with which he looked at Riza caused Roy's frown to deepen.

It seemed like forever before they reached the vacant warehouse that was Roy's goal. He released Riza and picked up a rope, tossing it to her. "Restrain him. I don't want to risk him running away. And take that damned cleaver, too."

Riza nodded and grabbed the rope, pinning Barry's arms behind his back and tying his wrists. The suit of armor laughed in glee. "Wow, Sweetie! Who knew you were the kinky type?"

Roy's head whipped around and he pierced Barry with a malicious glare. His eyes shot over to the confiscated weapon and then back to Barry but, before he could make a move, Riza had walked over to him. She placed a hand on Roy's arm and turned him so his back was to Barry before doing the same.

Riza lowered her voice and said "Just ignore him, Sir. You're only encouraging him by getting angry. He'll get bored if you don't give him a reaction."

"But he –" Roy began to protest.

"I know." Riza said with a sigh. "Just ignore him. Please, Sir. We won't get any information out of him if you kill him."

Roy remained silent for a moment before nodding once. "Fine." He said bitterly. At that moment, Falman arrived and regarded his superior officers with uncertainty.

"I'm here, but what exactly do you need me for?" Falman asked as he closed the door to the warehouse.

"We need your encyclopedic knowledge of criminal actions within the past several years. I need to confirm if this person really is who he says he is." Roy nodded to Barry, who had seated himself in a corner.

"Hey, Old Guy!" Barry called in greeting, looking directly at Falman.

"…Old?" Falman looked genuinely offended.

"Just start drilling him on crimes a serial killer named Barry the Chopper committed. Give him dates and make him give you names." Roy ordered.

"Uh… Yes, Sir." Falman said, walking over to the suit of armor despite the unusual request. He squatted down in front of him and said "May 3rd, Year 9."

"Man named Reynolds. I chopped him up behind a warehouse." Barry said rather proudly.

"Augyst 29th, Year 10."

"Hendrick – didn't like my meat, but who's laughin' now?"

"…Right. January 5th, Year 8."

"Lenny and Cynthia. Only time I chopped up two people in one night. Nice workout."

"And the Gadriel incident on March 3rd, year 11?"

"Idiot! It was the 13th, not the 3rd! You should have been there – the way the full moon glistened in the pools of blood…" Barry trailed off with a smile.

"So, what do you think?" Roy interrupted as he took off his coat.

"I think he's the real deal. He didn't fall for any of my traps and he knows his stuff. I can't be completely positive, but it seems likely he really is Barry the Chopper." Falman stated as he stood up.

"What? You think I'm a fake?" Barry exclaimed, suddenly furious. "How about I chop you up into tiny pieces – then we'll see who's the fake!"

"Stop it." Riza ordered, smacking the suit of armor upside the head with a pipe.

"Aw, come on, Sweetie! I was only kidding!" Barry said in his defense.

"Fine. I believe you. Now I want you to answer a few questions." Roy said.

Barry laughed. "If you promise not to rat me out to the guys that made me, I'll tell you everything I know."

Roy grinned. "Excellent."

**A/N: I know this had a decent bit of dialogue from the manga, but I kept it as minimal as possible. It was necessary, however, because I couldn't get through this scene to the next one without it. There will probably be dialogue from the manga in the next chapter as well, but hopefully not as much. Again, I do it only out of necessity.**

**I really enjoyed writing Barry. He's just fun to play around with because of his personality but also because I got to work out Roy's reactions. I hope you enjoy it.**

**The next chapter should be up anywhere within the next three days – it depends on my schedule.**

**Rate and Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: Riza's Day Off**

**Type: Oneshot (3/3)**

**Pairings/Characters: Royai**

**DISCLAMER: I own nothing other than the fanfiction itself**

**Summary: SPOILERS for chapter 30 of the manga and episode 15 of Brotherhood.** **First** **Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye's rare days off were hell for all involved – well, at least for Roy Mustang**, **especially when everyone's favorite serial killer makes an unwanted appearance. Royai.**

**A/N: I am sorry this took longer than planned to post – things got incredibly hectic on my end. To make it up to you, I should have another short oneshot up within a week and (hopefully) an additional chapter to Silent Tears by the end of this month.**

"The abandoned laboratory 5. Homunculi. The philosopher's stone." Roy said aloud as he read over the notes he had taken in his small, black notebook. "Who knew this went so far into the military?" He stood, pulling on his coat as he looked over to Falman. "It would be best if you forgot everything you heard here."

"As much as I would like to, my memory is a little too good. I won't be able to forget this." Falman said, tapping his index finger to his temple. "Besides, I want to be able to help you."

"Help, huh? Fine. You can keep an eye on our friend here. Don't worry, I'll arrange for you to get vacation leave so you won't have to think about work. And don't forget, this is top secret." Roy ignored the look of complete horror and shock on Falman's face, turning his back on his subordinate and heading for the door.

Riza, only a step behind him, turned before leaving. "And, Barry, don't chop anyone up."

"Bye-bye, Sweetheart!" Barry called after her.

Roy closed the door to the warehouse and turned, walking down the abandoned street. It was now after midnight, and every sane person was asleep in bed. He rubbed his eyes in fatigue, looking over at Riza as she let out a sigh.

"What is it?" He asked.

"It's just… this was my only day off since I arrived in Central, and I tried to simply get things done at home that I've been neglecting. But I dropped my groceries when Barry attacked me, and they are probably long gone by now. It's late, and every market is definitely closed, and I don't have anything I can cook for dinner – I still haven't eaten. Not only that, but now we have to worry about everything Barry told us tonight, and I… I'm just tired." Riza sighed, aggravated, annoyed, and exhausted. She wasn't normally so distempered, but she just couldn't help it. "I feel like I've worked harder today than I do when I'm at work." She murmured.

"Come on." Roy told her, taking a turn in a different direction than the route she normally took to get home. Riza looked at him, puzzled. "You said you haven't eaten and are clearly too tired to cook a proper meal for yourself. Knowing you like I do, you'll just go to bed hungry. That's not good for your health, especially when I can make you a Xingese stew that'll make anything else you eat afterwards taste like cardboard by comparison."

"I don't know…" Riza hesitated. "I left Black Hayate at home, and-"

"The dog's fine." Roy interrupted, walking back to her side. He wrapped his arm around her waist once more, pleased when she did not pull away. "As your superior officer I cannot allow you to go hungry. Don't make me make it an order." Roy said, knowing she wouldn't be able to refuse and, more importantly, that she didn't want to. He led her off down the street, heading for his apartment. No one would question his actions because of his reputation – even if most of the girls he was seen with were only informants – and no one would recognize Riza as his lieutenant when she was out of uniform.

It was only a short walk up the stairs to his apartment, and he let go of Riza so he could unlock the door. He removed his coat and hung it on the rack, watching Riza do the same. Unable to resist any longer, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest, kissing her. He released her after a moment and saw her looking up at him with amusement in her eyes.

"You're jealous." She said.

"I am not." Roy huffed defensively.

"Yes, you are." Riza smirked slightly. "He actually made you angry."

"Well, can you blame me? He was all over you! And the way he was talking to you…" Roy trailed off, almost scowling.

Riza only smiled and reached up to fix the collar of his shirt. "You don't have anything to be jealous about. Last I checked, I am not attracted to bodiless souls tied to suits of armor." She said, amusement trickling into her voice.

"It's not funny." Roy grumbled.

"You're right." Riza said in a compliant voice. "But you don't have to worry about him. Just let it go."

Roy frowned, looking down at her. "So you don't like serial killers."

"Not at all. I prefer jealous alchemists."

-X-X-

Roy awoke before his alarm sounded, greeted by the pleasing aroma of coffee brewing. He sat up before switching off the alarm, giving a stretch. He felt his back pop three times and stood up, walking into the kitchen. He saw Riza reaching up to take two coffee mugs out of his cabinet and smirked as he saw the way his shirt hung just off her shoulder. "Good morning."

Riza turned around, surprise momentarily showing in her eyes, but it was gone as soon as it had appeared. "You're up early. You don't have to be up for another half hour."

"I know." Roy said, walking over to her as she poured their coffee. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and rested his head on her shoulder. "And neither do you."

"I have to go home and change into my uniform. Besides, it will look a lot less suspicious if I leave dressed in the same clothes as last night and come back looking entirely different. You know that." Riza said, turning in his grasp to hand him his coffee. He released her and took a sip – she made it just how he liked it, as always. "I keep telling you we can't allow people to catch on. My staying here last night was risky enough as it was."

"I wish you'd stay more often."

"It'd raise suspicion."

"I don't care."

"I do. If you get court marshaled you won't be able to stay in the military. If that happens you won't become Fuehrer, and, according to your rules, I would have to shoot you."

Roy hesitated, looking down at her. "Why do you always have to be right?"

"Because I think things through." Riza said, setting her coffee on the counter. "I'm going to get dressed. I'll be back to get you in about an hour." She said, aware that his eyes were following her as she exited the kitchen.

-X-X-

The door to the office clicked shut, and, as usual, the rest of Roy's subordinates were not yet present. The empty office was relatively clean – probably because Fuery, fearful of Riza's wrath upon her return, had cleaned it before he left. Riza glanced at the pile of paperwork on Roy's desk and sighed. "Sir, I don't see why you can't do your work when I am not here. What do you do all day?" She asked, shaking her head.

"Oh, you know, this and that." Roy said with a shrug, walking over to his desk and sitting down. He glanced at the floor and saw Riza's book lying where he had dropped it. He swiftly and, he hoped, nonchalantly nudged it under his desk with his foot.

"Sir?"

Roy looked up and glanced over at Riza. "Yes?" He asked, trying not to let his nervousness show.

"Did you go through my desk?"

"What? Why would you ask that?" Roy countered, perhaps a little too quickly.

"Because this isn't how I left my desk. Nothing else in this room has been moved from how I left it aside from the things you and the others normally touch. And because everyone else is too much of a coward to go through my things." Riza deadpanned, fixing him with her cold, hazel gaze.

"I… Uh…" Roy stammered.

"So where did you put my book?"

Roy knew he had been caught. He bent down, picking her book up off the floor and handing it to her. She took it from him, a frown upon her lips. Her blush was so faint that it was likely no one other than himself would have noticed it upon her cheeks.

"If it helps, I found the book pretty interesting. I might want to borrow it when you're done." Roy smirked.

Riza's frown deepened and her hand reached for the gun she kept holstered to the small of her back.

"Come on, I was only kidding!" Roy jumped to his own defense.

Riza narrowed her eyes at him, and Roy was suddenly very happy he had convinced her to stay the night last night. He had a strong feeling that it would be a while before she stayed again. That is, unless he could find another bodiless serial killer to unleash chaos on the streets of Central and thoroughly annoy his girlfriend.

**A/N: It's almost enough to make me feel bad for Roy… Almost. But, then again, I would be just as angry if my boyfriend stole a book like that from my desk. Better find another serial killer quick, Roy.**

**Thank you for all the reviews on this oneshot – they made it all the more fun to write.**

**Rate and Review, they make me happy :)**


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